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and biting is a combination which every parent lives in fear of. I think this is probably for several reasons; firstly a bite mark looks so terrible and rises to a big pink, aggressive looking lump. Secondly, there are very few situations in which biting can be acceptable. Finally, most parents feel embarrassed believing that it is their fault.
And Biting: A Mantra For The Parents
Do not be too harsh a judge on yourself if your toddler has just bitten someone. Every child does awful things, sometimes the acts are not so obvious, at the end of the day if a parent judges you harshly because of your behaviour, they probably still have a lot to come in their child's development!
Why Are And Biting So Common
There are several obvious reasons for and biting. Firstly, they have worked out that they will get your attention and it is all a bit of a game. Secondly, they are in a situation where there are no other options. The first is easy to explain, it is about control between the child and their parent or carer. The second is slightly harder to understand. Suppose your child is playing with a toy at a play group and another child comes up and tries to grab the toy, what should your child do? They can scream for attention and hope that the other child will be removed. They can push the child away, but, all importantly, this will mean letting go of the toy! Or they can use the only force which is not needed to keep the toy in their possession – their teeth. There is a third and slightly less common situation where and biting flourish. If one child is physically scared of another, they may bite as they know that they are weaker or slower and it is the best means to get rid of the threatening child and to alert someone to their plight.
Dealing with and Biting
You cannot condone and biting. It is socially unacceptable. The safest way to deal with this is to ‘time out’ the toddler. This works for several reasons. Firstly, if there was a dispute over a toy or something similar, they will be taken away from it and therefore will learn that biting will not gain them the toy. Secondly, if they are trying to get your attention for the sake of it, they will be deprived of it. Finally, if they are in a situation where they are scared and have resorted to the only way out they could see, then they will be removed from that situation. If the toddler bites again after being timed out, then there must be a second more serious consequence. Removal from the play date or play group will probably be enough to stop this, this will work because a toddler will nearly always choose playing over going home! If you toddler has already become quite a frequent biter, then you must make sure that you explain before you go out what the consequence of biting is and you must be prepared to carry it out.
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